Speech Idea

Today I tried on bridesmaid dresses. It went well.

Hello Friendship.

Today I have started nanowrimo... well yesterday I did but after writing 1,300 words I decided to scrap that story and go with another one. Anyway. Still working on the pokemon song which is going to be awesomer than harry potter getting a haircut so he'd only be hair potter.... hahahha. I'm so funny.

Back to the speech. omg. I've had this blog since May and I still don't have a speech planned. So far just thinking about things we like and how I can make it short and appropriate for old people to hear so I don't get stuck with gasps of horror rather than laughs of glee. So yearh.. work in progress. Not pregnant so at least I won't look like a beached whale so that's good... Maybe I'll say something about good thing you're not doing this wedding in the water because there's SHARKS in it. Oh well...

MOH Song

Yes, there's a song now... it goes to the Pokemon theme song.

I wanna be the very best

Like no one ever was

This wedding is my real test

Friendship is my cause

I will travel across the land

A journey to the bride

Into an aquarium
With sharks and stuff inside

Christopher, its you and me

I know it’s my destiny

Alex, oh, you’re my best friend

On a day we must attend

MOH, a heart so true

My courage will pull me through

You love him and he loves you

Woot Alex, gotta get married

Every challenge along the way

With courage I will face

I will battle every day

To claim my rightful place

Come with me, the time is right

There’s no better team

Arm in arm you’ll say yes

It’s always been the dream

Pokemon Instrumental

Storytime with Beth

So for now I’m figuring my into will be something like,

“Hello everyone, my name is Beth and I am a friend of Alex’s from college. We met through an unfortunate acquaintance….”

How is this acquaintance unfortunate you ask? Well gather afoot because here’s some storytellin’ time.

So I’m sure at some point you’ve heard about those girls who are idiotic enough to think that the love they share with their oh-so-beloved boyfriend outweighs everything there is and they choose to follow him like a stupid puppy to a not-so-great-for-them college of his choice?

That was me.

I was originally planning on going to George Mason or ODU to study nursing but I figured I could find something worthwhile at CNU so I could stay with my precious forever. Did I mention I’m a philosophy major? Oh and we broke up the last day of freshman year… and I hate him. But that’s another story for another time.

Long story short, my life for the first few months of college consisted of playing final fantasy XI and eating Doritos. I had no friends other than my boyfriend… until one fateful day when I was walking to history class.

He was short, average looking, and hanging out by the building entrance. I thought nothing of it when he opened the door for me.. until I felt something odd brush on my buttocks. Thinking that maybe I farted and it was a weird fart or my jeans just decided to feel weird, I was only momentarily weirded out.

The following trip to history class I made with my boyfriend and we decided to hang out around a nearby bench facing the building’s entrance before class. Low and behold, the same dude was near the entrance and that was when we witnessed him in action on a helpless young lady. As he held the door open with his right, his left hand butt touched. Not cool. Luckily that same young lady was also in my history class and I confronted her afterwards asking if she wanted to do anything about this injustice to which she shook her head and went on her way. Saddened, I chose to let it go.

But of course butt touchers can’t get enough butt and he was back. Young lady and I were leaving class and there he was, right in the middle of the hallway with nowhere for us to escape. The idiot was pretending to read a newspaper but the second young lady went to pass him, he lept straight towards her butt.

… I swear I’m not making this up…

Anyway, young lady introduced herself to me as Alex as we swiftly went to the campus police.

That’s how I met Alex.

Can’t really be like “Guess we have awesome butts” during the toast so I’m going to stick with unfortunate acquaintance if I can't come up with something better. 

42 Things That Remind Me of Alex!

1. Boobies
2. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
3. Marvin the Plant
4. Whiskey
5. Thomas' Underpants
6. Crafts
7. D & D
8. Ponytails
9. Sticky Notes
10. Rum
11. Butt
12. Penis Stick
13. Nip Tuck
14. America's Next Top Model
15. Futurama
16. Simpsons
17. French Club
18. Blogs
19. Fondue
20. High School Marching Band
21. Kitty that attacked everyone
22. Virginia Beach
23. Librarian
24. Books
25. Gimli
26. Smash Brothers
27. Apples to Apples
28. Signs
29. Busch Gardens
30. People Watching
31. Nanowrimo
32. Relay for Life
33. Hamsters and Rats and Betas oh my!
34. March 8th
35. CNU Fountain
36. Chainmail
37. WoW
38. Long Hair
39. Color Guard
40. Mario Kart
41. Pamplemousse
42. Soda!

Note 1

Smizmar - love and stuff from futurama

Should incorporate this somewhere... maybe use it wrong or something.

Like, "Hey Alex, it's so cute when your smizmar attacks your toes."

I don't know...

I drew whiskers on my husband with eye liner tonight. He fell asleep after drinking at his friend's bachelor party. They tried to get me to draw a Hitler mustache as well so he could be Kitler but that's where I drew the line.

Notes from 6/5

I tried to become an ordained minister tonight.

I had so much trouble clicking the acceptance of God buttons that I almost didn't go through with it but then I did. Unfortunately the second page was short answer and I said fuck it and closed that chapter of my life five seconds after I thought the possibility of it could open.

Maybe it was about a minute. I had an internal battle of right and wrong. I had visions of me saving the day at a wedding in the future where the minister turned out to be sick and no one could fill in but then I could. Happiness and flowers all around.

But no, that was never to happen due to my conscience.

Tonight my beverage of choice is red wine from 711 cuz I'm a balla....

Anyway, I'm trying to take in the advice I received from Chris which is don't be intentionally funny but just be yourself... but funny.

Unfortunately I am constantly reminded of the awesome speech given at my wedding by Chris' brother, Colin who managed to make nun-chucks the main subject in the conversation but in a sweet and endearing way.... dammit

Anwyway, love you boobies! Oh and Alex too of course....

Hi

Today I thought of an opening line and now I shall share it. fyi Imma try to get preggers starting July...

For those of you who do not know me, I'm the one who forgot to use a condom....on purpose...

Chris told me it was too forced :( Gotta start over

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Welcome back! Today I'm watching Alex's most favorited book made movie to find inspiration while enjoying a beverage or two...

Here are notes:
dolphins can fly
bulldozers don't suffer
darwin looks like santa
do you want to see my spaceship is a good pickup line
sheeps!
the book is one of the best selling books
don't panic is presented in large friendly letters on the cover
to survive you gotta know where your towel is
voganity...
resistance is useless
I think I'm a sofa
Don't vote for stupid
Marvin: life, don't talk to me about life
GPP: General people personality
Eddy is the ship's computer
Mini lightsaber used to make toast
42
improbability drive is better than hyperdrive
sneezing, handkerchiefs, mistake, universe
omg it's a robot with creepy eyes
Hostages are everywhere yo
Lazers have the worst killing ability
Crabs will fight you
Losing your neck will make you drunk
Don't have an idea, you'll get hit in the face if you do
haha he's wearing pink pants
oh shittttttt he made teh order
Avoid love if at all possible :(
His towel has hearts on it
those are fat missiles
what are cows?
innocent whale, hello ground!
oh no not again, petunias know what's up
white fur coats are stylish but you gotta have white fur boots to match
always go with a hunch
don't wait too long as the opportunity may pass
manically depressed robot
if you have a bad name, sound ominous and act mysterious
earth 2 bitches!
the perfect question to what is the answer to everything is earth
point of view gun made by intergalactic housewives, doesn't affect women
mice are evil... shit, I have three
everyone has paranoia
If you attack people, make up for it by giving them food
Is she the one? is his ultimate question
marvin causes depression among many
They're all clones! They're not real

All done! Love you alexxxx!!!!!

Don't Panic

Post like a sex monkey salamander

I swear that was legit like a lion cub humping a clementine. Omg anyway I hate a cute cat that is super cute and fluffy. Fluuufffffyyyyy....... I literally  had girls night and drank 6 or 9 beers....

Ok so Alex: Alex you mah buddy. 

Anyway my first idea for my speech was the whole OMFG we must have slamming asses because pf tjat creep. Like how am I supposed to not talk about how we met....oh asdfbaagehlk

Science

Hello Pomegranates!

Of course I use this as a term of endearment and such. Love you forevers! Luvluvluv.

Ugh anyway I'm only writing this blog when drunk and shit so suck your face if you're reading this and judging me. Also I may write this when pregnant which kind of counts as drunk if you consider the crazy ass hormone shit that happens.

Anyway, this blog is not about me, it's about my buddy.... no wait, my very very good buddy Alex. No it's not a guy you stereotypic unicorns! It's my really good friend from college, Alexandra. Really one of the rare friends who gets me.

So last week I realized that oh shit fuck mother crayfish I'm a moh. Yeah I know, your first thought went to Mother of Hamsters? but no, it's actually Maid of Honor. I seriously think moh is not cute but some sort of disease or something... Anyway that's what has been bestowed upon myself.

So overall I'm writing this blog to capture all my toast ideas for the wedding I am very excited to be a part of :)

Love you alex!!