So for now I’m figuring my into will be something like,
“Hello everyone, my name is Beth and I am a friend of Alex’s
from college. We met through an unfortunate acquaintance….”
How is this acquaintance unfortunate you ask? Well gather
afoot because here’s some storytellin’ time.
So I’m sure at some point you’ve heard about those girls who
are idiotic enough to think that the love they share with their oh-so-beloved
boyfriend outweighs everything there is and they choose to follow him like a
stupid puppy to a not-so-great-for-them college of his choice?
That was me.
I was originally planning on going to George Mason or ODU to
study nursing but I figured I could find something worthwhile at CNU so I could
stay with my precious forever. Did I mention I’m a philosophy major? Oh and we
broke up the last day of freshman year… and I hate him. But that’s another
story for another time.
Long story short, my life for the first few months of
college consisted of playing final fantasy XI and eating Doritos. I had no
friends other than my boyfriend… until one fateful day when I was walking to
history class.
He was short, average looking, and hanging out by the
building entrance. I thought nothing of it when he opened the door for me..
until I felt something odd brush on my buttocks. Thinking that maybe I farted
and it was a weird fart or my jeans just decided to feel weird, I was only
momentarily weirded out.
The following trip to history class I made with my boyfriend
and we decided to hang out around a nearby bench facing the building’s entrance
before class. Low and behold, the same dude was near the entrance and that was
when we witnessed him in action on a helpless young lady. As he held the door
open with his right, his left hand butt touched. Not cool. Luckily that same
young lady was also in my history class and I confronted her afterwards asking
if she wanted to do anything about this injustice to which she shook her head
and went on her way. Saddened, I chose to let it go.
But of course butt touchers can’t get enough butt and he was
back. Young lady and I were leaving class and there he was, right in the middle
of the hallway with nowhere for us to escape. The idiot was pretending to read
a newspaper but the second young lady went to pass him, he lept straight
towards her butt.
… I swear I’m not making this up…
Anyway, young lady introduced herself to me as Alex as we
swiftly went to the campus police.
That’s how I met Alex.
Can’t really be like “Guess we have awesome butts” during
the toast so I’m going to stick with unfortunate acquaintance if I can't come up with something better.
